A Healing Heart

Perhaps this may seem random to you this week,
Perhaps not.

Have you noticed others around you that seem sad, struggling, or even angry over something?
I do. Every day.
If you look, wherever you go, there are hurting people.
It is easy to miss if you are in a hurry all of the time, or even aren't in a habit to train your heart to see the hurt that others carry.

Perhaps when we go thru difficult times ourselves, in our past or even present, our hearts and minds are given the opportunity to be tuned into others similar experiences and heavy hearts.
I would hope so.
Otherwise, was our difficulty all about us?
It can be so much more - for so many more.

Looking through the window of another's heart can be so revealing into their actions and attitudes and can even help us with our reactions to them, our patience, and understanding.

The heart takes time to heal.
Do we give others the time that we ourselves would want or need to be open again to so many things.

Healing - from grief, anger, loss, transition, and much more can take time.

While carrying my firstborn daughter, and knowing that she was not going to live long past her birth brought a lot of changes to my life.
As I carried her, I became close to this little baby girl - full of life and she became a part of me.
I would sing to her, pray over her, talk to her, and rub my belly to feel her kick back.
As she was delivered into my arms, I looked down at her and knew she would not be with me for a very long time.
How does the heart prepare for a time like this - and how does it heal?
With the Lord and with time. It is a Promise He gives us.
But don't forget the time.

My beautiful baby girl became such an important part of who I am, at the moment she made me a first time mommy.
We were able to save a lock of her hair. We took her hand prints- to impress upon our minds of her pretty fingers, and we kissed and sang her way into the Arms of a Loving Saviour - one hour later.
Saying good bye was one of the hardest things to do. A part of me was being taken away.
Her place in our home would always be missed.
Healing began. And over time - He has done a good work.

Life seems different through the eyes of a trial. Not everything will be seen or experienced the same way.
If we could live life giving those around us a smile, and a patient response - we could show them Christs love in such a greater way.

I see hurting people wherever I go - and I am sure that you do as well.
For instance-
Was there a grumpy or stoic clerk at the store?
- Perhaps someone at Church was avoiding talking to you or someone else?
-Did a family member or a meeting with someone today bring a rude or even curt response to you?
- Maybe someone has dropped out of the social picture with excuses of complaints, or anger
-Know someone who uses attacking your character or others as a way to communicate

I am, in no way, condoning these actions, or character traits--please know that..
BUT- these are truly examples of how people hurt, and how we can be in tune with those around us.

Tune in.. and help someone break down that barrier this week.
Wouldn't it be great if it was you that someone shared a smile with, or gave you space to heal.
I know it would.
Because a Healing Heart is the best place to plant Christs loving example.

Am I Genuine?

I have chosen laughter.
I have chosen love.
I have chosen to make choices that I know will last forever.Forever in Eternity.. and Forever in our hearts.

A recent occurence in my life has challenged my day to day life.
If I can give the gift of being genuine to those I know, meet, love, and the ONE I live for, then I will be accomplishing the one thing that I know will make a lasting impact on my eternity.

So, every day, I am asking myself- Am I genuine? And what am I passionately genuine about?When I talk to someone, am I really listening? With my heart?

When I tell my family I love them, am I showing them this too?

Do I follow through with the things I say to others?

Am I embracing the trials or struggles that I know are meant for my good?

Can I look in the face of all I know and have peace ?

Do I worship, or proclaim His promises and blessings and do I see them in each day as well?

I posted this picture of my two youngest daughters spending time together playing.

This is a picture of genuine love.

Being Genuine - It is a gift to all that know us. I can try to give this gift. It's worth the try.

Wierd, I know!

There is only ONE reason I would share this bizarre secret passion with you, my blogging friends... It is my birthday today. And because I love you all so much, I am giving YOU this secret of mine to giggle about today - My birthday gift to YOU!

It is really a challenge of some nature- my friend, Lynnette "challenged" her readers to blog about something that crazy, silly, unusual that we would do, or try if we could. ( visit her here to read her fun/crazy/zany thoughts- www.lynnettekraft.blogspot.com)

Well, here it goes..
There has always been this part of me that craves the simple life.

( Do you know where I am going with this?) heehee...

The simple life. as in being Amish.
AMISH.. you say? Yep.

If this as unusual as my secret wishes get, then maybe I am just plain not adventurous. Or crazy, some might think.
But, truly, there have been so many times, that I would like to don the Amish Cap, try their hard-working, out of the world ways, and see if I could "survive."

So, there you have it. I am not going to write a lengthy post today- I have so many fun things to do.. but I wanted to "take the challenge," from Lynnette, and share my unusual and strange secret idea with you - Happy Birthday FROM me!
( Your kinda- wanna -be Amish friend.)

Is that me?

I don't know when this began to happen? Was it this year,, after baby #9 was born, or maybe it has been happening for a while and I am JUST now noticing!!

"What" ... you say?

I was blow drying my hair the other day and I stopped,, turned the blow dryer off, and got right up really close to the mirror...
WHO in the world is that woman looking back at me? I felt a little like a crazed woman for a moment.

Is it age? Or is it my imagination?

Please ...tell me.. or.. wait!! Maybe NOT!

I just don't get it. I thought that with the age factor I would slowly see over time, but this was as if there was an overnight aging process that took place while I was sleeping.



It's irreversible now. I know that.


I hope this doesn't mean that I am going to start having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, and that I will have to eat a daily bowl of Raisin bran every day.

It wasn't a bad revelation.... just, that it was ...a .... revelation.

I had to share this with you. Why wouldn't I?


Have you ever had that looking in the mirror thing happen?

Well, Be warned... It is a little scary when it first happens... I felt like pinching my cheeks to see if it was real, or a dream ( err.. nightmare.)
Nope.. It was REAL...

But, now I find it comical. I look in the mirror, and think..



"Mirror, Mirror In front of me

Who's that Fruit Loop that I see?"

Oh, my, yes,, IT'S ME!
(P.S.,, Don't be alarmed that I have gone "off my rocker,"...Just another opportunity for my blogging friends to see my silly side.")

Fanatical Homeschooling

Large Family, Stay- at -Home mom, Gardening & Canning, Alternative Health, Breastfeeding, and of course, Homeschooling tops the list that some label - FANATICAL.
This just makes me laugh. Truly.

I have to find humor in this, for if not,, I would be the same way about the way that other people live.
Here's the scoop- Homeschooling is not for those that find themselves in this category:
( although, I have to mention this disclaimer to this category: I once fit well into this list, and choseto homeschool, thus finding that I was able to change and grow - it's achievable.)

The Not so perfect Fit for Homeschooling:
1.)Obsessed with having a Clean Home
2.)Not a Morning Person
3.)Cannot handle Multi-tasking
4.)Do not like interruptions or schedule Changes
5.)Like to have dinner made or planned out before 5 p.m.
6.)Enjoy talking on the phone
7.) Does not like to ignore any phone calls
8.)Enjoy wearing make-up, and any clothing other than sweatpants every day
9.)Like to go shopping
10.)Does not like to see paper work/bills pile up
11.)Clutter bothers you
12.)Have a problem with correcting your child
13.)Think that homeschooling is the easier route
14.)Do not enjoy eating p.b. & j.
15.)Cannot imagine your counters covered in Science projects
16.)Think that homeschooling is all seat work
17.)Dust bothers you
18.)Are concerned about what others may think or say about homeschooling
19.)Do not like the sound of a pencil sharpener the whole day
20.)Want to be only a mommy and not a mommy and teacher

If you fit into the Above List - Do not be Disheartened- I am there with ya!

Not -so-Good - of - A Fit for Homeschooling Some days- but here I am- waking up every day to the PURPOSED CHOICE to homeschool, knowing that I am going to waver some days, and not enjoy every minute, but LOVE the moments that it brings to my days.

Because- here it is- this Choice is not about homeschooling.. it is about Character Training, Loving, Nurturing, and Coming alongside my Child, putting my Not so perfect tendencies aside, and realizing that this is the only chance I have. We only have One Time Around-

So, if I am labeled fanatical- it gives me a good chuckle, and that's all I need to cure my discontent over my sometimes untidy home, my worn out sweats, the mountain of paperwork, and the last minute meal that sometimes is prepared.
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine!


So, join me in my next few blogs on our Homeschooling adventure. Maybe you can relate,,, and maybe you will think I am out of my mind. ( Which I would have to agree with you some days!!)
But either way-
I will be here, and I actually found time to do this AND homeschool. It IS possible!

Here is a picture of my three oldest heading off to their first day of school this year- after being homeschooled until now.

I survived and they thrived!!

Days of Change

I am back!! I am officially back to blogging - my brief attempts at finding my way back to a normal "September Day," were exactly that - brief. But now, geared with another handy-dandy laptop, and the ability to blog regularly.. I am so happy to see the words type out before me.

I have seen a pattern to this year of 2009. I am calling it a Season of Change here in our lives.
So many things are changing, yet, I can tell that God had been preparing me for a long time for these changes.
I know that so much growth can come from me embracing these changes, and I am standing with my Arms Open to the Lord, thankful for the days He gives me to learn to see that He makes NO mistakes.

My Sarah, ( previously mentioned in other blogs) is healing quickly, and has her spunky, lively good-nature back. Praise the Lord!

Our homeschooling is finally back on track!

Our Church is going thru some growing pains - yet, He will be Glorified!

My God is the Same yesterday, today, forever!!!

Back to blogging- Here we come!

( and, thus, I must add.. GO STEELERS!!)..

Happy... and Miserable

Ever feel this way? That you are living a happy life, but you are just a plain miserable at the moment.
This is me right now.

Not normal for me... at all. But, I have fallen into a pit of martyrdom. Man- it's ugly.

I have not been able to blog for some time. Life brought a few twists and turns that took me away from my computer.

Our 16 year old daughter, Sarah had gall bladder surgery on Thursday. It has turned into a bigger deal than we thought it would. Her liver was cut during surgery, causing extra bleeding, and now more complications- result- a longer hospital stay, a lot of pain for our tough daughter, and a long commute for a busy family of 11.

What have I brought out of this trail so far- I am ugly inside - through and through right now. I am not seeing any thing thru my Rose- colored glasses.

Ugliness through trials is not nice. It is selfish, and I can see that it is the easy way out for my emotions of sadness, frustration, concern, and exhaustion.

We have been through trials before. Many. I have seen and been with others as they deal with their own pain.
So, where did this ugliness come from, I ask myself? Hmmmm...

Here's what I have finally come to tonight-

*A lack of truly laying this at the altar of the Lord-Holding onto the attempt to micro-manage the outcome of my daughters relief

*A lack of seeing this trial thru the eye's of one who has been shown much mercy and grace, but rather, through eyes of selfishness and desire to have this trail removed

*Worry and anxiety over my daughters condition and pain, rather than showing my daughter the trust that we have taught her since she was a wee child

Man- these things are bound to produce ugliness, and yep- it has manifested itself in my life this week.

It is my prayer that sharing this personal side of my life through another trial, that any one reading would know that God does not want us to be miserable. I was this week, and will have to work at seeing this as another opportunity for me to grow in Christ.

For me to live is Christ, to die is gain.

Death to self- the best cure for any ugliness through our trials.
So hard.

Please pray.
Here is a picture of our Sarah.
Please, please pray for her as she sits in a hospital waiting for answers. We all wait.