Who am I- really?
This is a story of : Seeing Life Through Different Lenses...
It was three weeks ago.. one of those frigid cold days, when the wind blows, and your face hurts from walking to and from the car.
I had some errands to run... I took one of the girls with me, and we skipped lunch to make the shopping trip faster.
After shopping, I bought 2 small french fries, so that we could each have a treat on the way home.. our stomachs would wait no longer.
As we were leaving the store, the wind had picked up a little, and I told her we were going to make a "mad dash," for the van. My ears would not tolerate that frigid air.
Exiting the store.. there was a mom, her baby, and her toddler standing outside in the cold air, and the little ones were crying.. hard.
The babys' nose was running...the toddler was screaming he was hungry, and the mom was smoking her cigarrette... outside...cold.
Angry- that is all I could think about the whole time I was loading the van hurriedly.. cold, and still hearing the baby crying,,
and did I mention.. the mom was yelling at the baby to "knock it off..!"
My daughter and I hop in the van, crank up the heat, and needless to say.. I am seething with anger at this mother who had to have her cigarrette.. outside, and so her children had to suffer.. the cold, runny noses, no hats on, and crying...
...all the while.. she is yelling at them.
I roll down my window to see if I can still hear the baby crying... yes.
And now, I see the mom chasing the toddler across the front of the store, and pulling him by his pants ,, his knees all skinned up, and she is yelling.. "get over here you brat!"
In the meantime,, the baby is standing up in the cart, ready to fall out, and screaming.
Anger... can you feel it too? Those poor children.. all I could think about was those children.
And then... As if God was stnading right next to me,, and Conviction had an audible Voice..
"If you are so angry, then why aren't you doing something about it?"
(sigh.. I should have seen that coming.)
OK God. You are right.
And so, throwing my pride out the window, putting the van in rehearse to back out and pull up to the Scene.. and checking the clock to see if I have time to help before I have to be gome...I am still working on my anger.
I roll down my window, and through a smiling clenched teeth, I ask the mother if she is waiting for a ride.
She says, "yeah.. I am waiting for a taxi."
Me- "Would you like a ride, since the wait is so cold for the babies?"
Her- "Yeah, sure."
I get out to help her load up her bags and children into my very spacious 15 passenger van, and buckle the children into car-seats - empty today for this apparent reason.
It is so cold out.. the babys' nose is still runnning, and I realize that both of her children have horrible, horrible coughs, ( and are now coughing all over MY babies car seats.)
Did I hear you right Lord?
I ask her where she lives...
Totally opposite direction of my home, about a 30 minute trip out - of - the way.
Yep, this is a test of my walking the talk.
We are about 5 minutes into the trip to her home, and her baby begins crying uncontrollably.
The mom tells me that her children have not eaten. She says, that she told them if they were goo at the store, she would buy them something to eat...
She said they were "brats," ( her words), and so she was punishing them with no food.
Guess what her children see on my dash?
You got it..
Our two- small french fries.
I look at my daughter who is trying to console the baby, wiping her nose, and she and I have a mutual look of understanding that our french fries would now serve a greater purpose.
The baby was quiet all the way home.. warm, no more runny nose, and food in her belly.
I take time to get to know this very young mother, and her past is no shocking story,, if you can imagine.. a life of young pregnancy, and un-guided decisions. Now a single mom of quite a few, and running on empty.
Seemingly heartless and misguided, she tells me that she has big plans, and it doesn't sound as if the kids are a big part of those.
Her apartment was meager, to say the least, and she was telling me how much her cost of living is.
I was astounded by the outrageous amount she is given each month to live,, for free.. and then the housing she is given money to live there.
It all seemed a little backwards.
Angry? No. Sad. Ashamed. - of my anger.
I still feel deeply for those children and their circumstances... and upon dropping this young, single mom and her children off, I was exposed to a world that I knew was out there, and have taught my children about in many discussion about thinking beyond
but here we go..
Where the "rubber meets the road,"
to walk the talk
that I have
taught my children for many years.
I would never turn some one in need away.
But, that day, when I came out of the store, for some reason, my emotions and thoughts were on the anger over irresponsible behavior rather than the deeper needs that I was to meet that day.
So Who am I?
A sinner, saved by grace.
Seeing the world through a different lense each day.
Labels: My Wednesdays Walk